Life.

Here I am sat in a spa on a sun lounger. I can hear the sound of the hot tub and people chatting happily to one another. I wish I was the sort of person who could sit alone and read and not feel anxious. But I’m not. I should feel relaxed. But I don’t. I feel everyone’s eyes on my chubby body even though nobody actually gives a shit and no-one is actually looking at me.

This week has been hard. My relationship ended abruptly and I’m struggling to cut this person off completely. Even though I know deep down that cold turkey will help, I can’t do it. I still care about them and want to talk to them, even though it’s not the same. I know that we aren’t ever going to get back together and every message reminds me of this so why can’t I stop messaging?!

Sometimes I hate my brain.